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I can't believe that at this stage of physics a new
element has been
discovered - but the following has been communicated
to me:
A New Chemical Element Discovered CalledGovernmentium
the discovery of the
A major research institution has recently announced
heaviest chemical element yet known to science. Thenew element has been
named "Governmentium."75 deputy neutrons and
Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons,
11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomicmass of 312. These 312
particles are held together by forces calledmorons, which are surrounded
by vast quantities of lepton-like particles calledpeons.
However, it can be
Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.
detected as it impedes every reaction with which itcomes into contact.
reaction to take over 4 days
A minute amount of governmentium causes one
to complete when it would normally take less than asecond. Governmentium
has a normal half-life of 1 to 6 years; it does notdecay, but instead
undergoes a reorganization in which a portion ofthe assistant neutrons
and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,governmentium's mass will
actually increase over time, since reorganizationcauses some morons to
become neutrons, forming isodopes.scientists to speculate
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some
that governmentium is formed whenever morons reacha certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity isreferred to as "Critical
Morass." You will know it when you see it!