New Element

[Jim Green <JMGreen@SISNA.COM>]

I can't believe that at this stage of physics a new element has been
discovered - but the following has been communicated to me:
> A New Chemical Element Discovered Called Governmentium
>
> A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the
> heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been
> named "Governmentium."
>
> Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and
> 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312
> particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded
> by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
>
> Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
> detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
>
> A minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days
> to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium
> has a normal half-life of 1 to 6 years; it does not decay, but instead
> undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons
> and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, governmentium's mass will
> actually increase over time, since reorganization causes some morons to
> become neutrons, forming isodopes.
>
> This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate
> that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
> concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical
> Morass." You will know it when you see it!