Chronology Current Month Current Thread Current Date
[Year List] [Month List (current year)] [Date Index] [Thread Index] [Thread Prev] [Thread Next] [Date Prev] [Date Next]

Re: Warnings concerning products {:-)



Just some history -- the hot coffee brouhaha was the result of a woman's buying, at a drive up McD.'s, and spilling the coffee. She sued and won. Much criticism resulted. The facts, as I remember,
-- the resulting burn was so extensive and high degree (3rd), and on her vulva (how'd you like a third degree burn on your penis?), that it required hospitalization and skin graft(s). So don't
ridicule the warnings -- not bonehead and obviously not that obvious; (my often complaint of high end drip coffee is that it's stored in Dewars and unpleasantly cool after adding milk). It's also
sue proofing.

bc


"D.V.N.Sarma" wrote:

From Fred Langa'a News Letter
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Just For Grins

I'm sure you've all see the bonehead-obvious warning labels many products
now carry, such as "Caution: Liquid is hot!" on a cup of coffee or "Heat
before eating" on a frozen dinner. Duh.

Reader and frequent contributor A.Q. (Tony) King found this wonderful list
of potential product warnings that are all could be used because they're
100% true and for-real, based on our best current understanding of
Physics:

WARNING: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.

WARNING: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in
the universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers,
with a Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses and
Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between Them.

CAUTION: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent
of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.

HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This Product Contains Minute
Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of
Five Hundred Million Miles Per Hour.

CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," It Is
Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both
Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving.

ADVISORY: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That,
Through a Process Known as "Tunneling," This Product May
Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear
at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your Neighbor's
Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Any
Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.

READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE: According to Certain Suggested
Versions of the Grand Unified Theory, the Primary Particles
Constituting this Product May Decay to Nothingness Within the
Next Four Hundred Million Years.

THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT: In the Unlikely Event That This
Merchandise Should Contact Antimatter in Any Form, a
Catastrophic Explosion Will Result.

ATTENTION: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found
Hereon, the Consumer is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product
Consists Of 99.9999999999% Empty Space.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

regards,

Sarma.